The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
