Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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