Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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