Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
