I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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