Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
