so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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