1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
