i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
