hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
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