So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
