I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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