Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Holy sore nipples Batman
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
