True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
We need a shit load of segways right now
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
