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I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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