someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
