He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
