i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
