I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
