I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
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