I hate your face
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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