You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
