At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
