Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
