I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
