i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Randomize
