Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
