You can't motorboat a personality
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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