Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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