And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
