Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
