I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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