What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
