the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just threw up on my dentist
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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