I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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