**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
