shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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