and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
