Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
