you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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