Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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