Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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