just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
