I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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