Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
