Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
