pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
