Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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