i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
