I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
My feet surprised me
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