we have pet lesbian snakes
he puts the penis in happiness.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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