real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
