hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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